Subcreation is fascinating. Being created in the image and likeness of God, we are offered the opportunity to participate in the act of creating; creation itself possesses the ability to create. Acts of subsidiary creation, second to the works of our Creator, aid us in our journey towards salvation.
In particular, pregnancy and motherhood are feminine acts of subcreation. It is the simple act of saying “yes” to God, and relishing any and all blessings He bestows upon us. Not unlike the Theotokos, we accept God’s plan, trusting that He will guide us through whatever torrents may assail us.
Becoming pregnant is an act carried out by ourselves, as willed by He through Whom all things are made. As we pray to conceive, we put His will first. Just as Joachim and Anna did, we relinquish our own desires and place them with the Lord, as one places a sacrifice upon the altar. We prepare ourselves both spiritually, anointing ourselves with holy water and oil, and arming ourselves with daily prayer, as well as physically to assume such a task. All is done in preparation for the gift of pregnancy. So that we might feel even the slightest bit of love God has for His creation, in being able to “create” a child of our own.
It feels unreal to be blessed with such a miracle. To know that the dirt from the earth has commingled with the dust from the stars to be consecrated within you. That not only a body, but a mind and soul are taking shape within your womb.
As a poet pens lines of prose to provoke poignant emotion, so does God allow the child to develop and grow. Each line of the child’s body is mapped out; fingers and toes, hands and feet, and everything in between are plotted even before conception. The same for the mind and the soul. The ichors and vapors of this created world, spun into thread and woven into the rich tapestry that is this child. Imbued with an intelligent soul; a gift from God. A birthed infinity from within the bounds of a finite body.
Each child is designed by our Creator with the mother in mind. Not created to be a perfect child for her, but to provide her what she needs spiritually.
To allow her to learn patience.
To become softer.
To become more humble, less selfish.
To provide her with the smallest inkling of the love our Lord must feel for us.
To have a child is to grow closer to God. For not only must we put our trust in Him throughout the entirety of the pregnancy, but even after the child is born. And our increase in trust will be made obvious to our children. That they too may grow closer to Him.
Being a new mother, such feelings are very raw. Each emotion and sensation is overwhelming.
Feeling his chest rise and fall.
His head on my shoulder.
His sweet breath in my face.
It is divine.
I revel in the simple fact that he is mine.
My joy is boundless. I cannot hope to fight it; I want it to be all consuming. The sense flees from my mind as I coo over him. Each cutesy or silly nickname seems ridiculously apt. This child is a self contained universe, full of potential. He is everything. My everything.
I can only guess at how God must feel. This love is irrepressible, and can hardly be contained within the restrictions of mortality.
How wonderful it is to hold a fraction of the Lord's undying love in my chest.